23/365: When Cool People Keep Saying More Cool Things

Before I get to why I am thankful for 'when cool people keep saying more cool things' I will give a brief catch up...

I just finished my first year of my Theology MA/Ministry Certificate at Villanova and I worked as a Campus Ministry Intern this last year. I met some really awesome students, took two mission trips (one to Winston-Salem, NC for Habitat for Humanity in the Fall 2012 and one to Kingston, Jamaica in the Spring 2013), and one trip to the FOCUS Conference this past January at Disney World! I also had some pretty cool co-workers as interns.

Now I am newly living all by myself in an apartment off campus in a wonderful neighborhood, taking summer classes at St. Charles of Borromeo Seminary, and also working on a Campus Ministry certificate at Franciscan University. I am at Franciscan now, getting ready to say my goodbyes and soaking in all the amazing talks and prayer time I have had. I'm already looking forward to all the great things in store for next year's conference.

Today was a really pivotal turning point for me. Last year was one of the toughest years on my physically, mentally, and spiritually, and I have not really figured out how to recover despite hours of spiritual direction, prayer, sacraments, hugs, and tears. My faith has been different this year, and for the first time, I really felt like hope was lost in a lot of ways.

But then, someone cool, who shall go unnamed, said something to me today, that I haven't heard in forever. It wasn't anything complicated, overstated, or perplexing. But instead, it changed me.

Today several someones reminded me that I am a beloved daughter of God. They reminded me that there is actually nothing I can do that would actually ever stop God from loving me. Not even in a small way, but in a big way! That this love from God goes far beyond the beauty of mountains, oceans, and even the most beautiful scenes in the world. It's how he loves each of us.

I don't even know if it was because I heard that, or how it was said to me. The first time today, it was so direct and intentional when it was said that I was completely taken aback. It was as if God was interceding to me through this person, and was trying to reach me. The other times were just adding joy to this feeling that was trying to burst through all the sorrow that has plagued my heart.

Without saying too much, I have been wandering in a desert, that has been so dry of love. There have been occasional prickly cacti where little pools of love have existed once I could sort through the painful mess to get there. Those that have been close to me in the last few weeks have just been such a great support, especially for my birthday. It was enough, until more sorrow and more wandering in the desert came back.

And so barely walking, I came to this conference, with little expectations that God was going to do anything to change my heart. I was quite wrong.

This conference has taught me a lot and has helped me realize my vision for the upcoming year that I think God wants me to focus on. It has renewed my hope in the faith and has given me passion to pursue my love for the faith in a new way.

Today, I am so incredibly blessed and thankful, especially to those individuals today, who were able to share the experience in God's love for the first time in a long time.

It's Never Too Late To Start Again!

If life has taught me anything in the last few weeks is that it is never too late to start again. I am amazed to recently have the opportunity to fresh start. It has been a time of great sorrow but also a time where I am really, truly grateful for the many blessings in my life.

I am not sure if I can keep up with the project, so I am going to post here when I can, giving thanks, especially to God. God gives us the chance to make each new day a fresh opportunity to do more, love better, and just pass on that love to others.

And so I am ready to begin again :)

22/365: Women's Bible Study

Today, I had the honor and privilege of sitting in on the Women's Bible Study for Young Adults and Grad Students. It was fantastic, and I wish I had more time to go than just today and next week.

It was a great time to hang out with other grounded women in the Catholic faith, but also to just feel comfortable with being who I am as part of that grounding. I finally felt like I met people with my same views in faith and life. It was awesome to feel that way within a few minutes of me being there. I am glad that everyone was so happy to have me, and even know that I would not be staying long. Sarah also made great Butterscotch muffins, which made me smile!

We were studying the last chapter of the Second Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians. As hard as it is to follow the message jumping in, I tried to recall that one busy summer of Scripture study in 2009 and what I remembered about Second Corinthians. The last chapter is sort of a warning in a way, but also a reminder within that warning.

Verses 5 to 10: "Examine yourselves to see whether you are living in faith. Test yourselves. Do you not realize that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless, of course, you fail the test. I hope you will discover that we have not failed. But we pray to God that you may not do evil, not that we may appear to have passed the test but that you may do what is right, even though we may seem to have failed. For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth. For we rejoice when we are weak but you are strong. What we pray for is your improvement. I am writing this while I am away, so that when I come I may not have to be severe in virtue of the authority that the Lord has given me to build up and not to tear down."

I think in this passage I really reflected on three things. The first, is that we must always test ourselves constantly to see how we live with Christ in us, and always strive for that, even though we may seem to fail. The second, is that the truth is always the strongest and will always prevail. If we do anything to prove it otherwise, we only strengthen that truth. The third, is that we all have it within us to build up others or tear them down, and it's important to always try to build them up, just as Paul wants to do. Sometimes tearing down is the only way to rebuild, but as long as it is done with love, then it is okay.

How does that fit into my life? I always want the best for everyone around me. I want to build up as many as possible in the faith, and I want that truth of God's love to prevail in that love. I have to find a balance of building up and tearing down, not only as it applies to others, but in myself. I have to test myself too, to make sure I am walking in the light. It's not easy, but it is what is right.

One fun night of Bible Study with great women, with lot's of hugs, and greetings of comfort (as described in verses 11-13), and one of the many things that I was thankful for this day.

21/365: St. Louis Cardinals

Last Friday (and Thursday too), the Cardinals made history in baseball. It was pretty epic to be involved, especially not being from here, but to see the excitement. It very much reminded me of VCU going to the Final Four, and how excited the students and the city, and eventually a lot of Virginia was in that situation.

I was very fortunate in my time here to have been given the opportunity to go to four games, and have amazing seats each time. The games were more fun than I would have thought and I think the experience of being in St. Louis and seeing these games made it better. The people of St. Louis are very kind people and very light-hearted. They have great spirit when it comes to life and baseball.

What I admired most about the Cardinals was how they didn't give up. Even in the last moment possible, they were able to pull together as a team and come back.

And several of the players stayed so humble and prayerful throughout all of it. Lance Berkman even commented that he doesn't pray for hits or runs, but he prays for the ability to use his gifts to do the best he can during the game. Several of the players looked up or pointed at the sky after touching home plate, attributing their successes to God. In game 3 when Albert Pujols hit 3 home runs, only the 3rd person to ever do that in the World Series, he said that he did it for the team.

The people of St. Louis went nuts after the game - cars honking, fireworks, music and dancing in the streets - it was fantastic. And tens of thousands showed up to see the parade with all the players. What an amazing time to be in St. Louis.

I am thankful for the generosity of the people who gave me tickets, the excitement of the game, and the humbleness of the players.

20/365: How I Met Your Mother

This post is going to be LEGEN-wait for it-DARY because it is about my favorite show, which is just legendary. How I Met Your Mother and all the awesome jokes and memories I have with it mean a lot to me. I have enjoyed over the years watching it (sometimes in large quantities) with lot's of friends from all over the place. I also can relate to it in an uncanny way as far as the story lines go and the characters are developed. I feel like the show has just fit into my life in the most perfect way possible.

This show also serves as such a great icebreaker for me. It really brought me together with so many people in college, and beyond that it's fans are so widespread and of so many different backgrounds that I have been able to meet lot's of people because of our common love for it. It brought me passion for life and finding happiness. I've gone through the emotions alongside the characters and my friends, as we go through the same motions becoming young adults and facing all the challenges around.

The Season 7 premiere happened, and I was just so excited. My two favorite characters are Barney and Robin. I feel very much like Robin a lot - similarity in seeking approval of our fathers, putting my career ahead of my love life, secretly wanting a deep love, always making dry and sarcastic comments, secretly girly in the strangest aspects, and most of all, always falling for someone that has many complex layers - like Barney.

Barney is just a great character. He is always trying to sleep with dumb women and tries the craziest tricks to get them to sleep with him. He always has silly lines and fun catch phrases, but secretly he is a nice gentleman, dying for a reason to come out, which is love.

That being said, I hope it's Barney and Robin together in the end :)

Lily and Marshall are great characters! Lily is interesting because she always has these random freak-outs through out the season, in which you see her true side. She fears losing love and tries to runaway - something I can relate to. I can imagine Marshall would be my best friend. He is clever, smart, witty, and just really dorky and goofy. His character reminds me of all the best things I love about my best friends.

And lastly, there's Ted. A young, cute, successful guy who is struggling to find love, but so desperately wants it. He has all these nerdy quirks, but he's just a nice guy - like so many out there. Despite all his trials, he still pushes on, feeling the pains that all of us searching for that perfect someone feel. I also like that as a guy, he's not afraid to show his emotions.

I love this show, and I'm so thankful for all the laughter it's brought to my life over the years. I'm thankful if I've gotten to share in it with you reading this.

Here are some of my favorite moments:
Bang Song: http://youtu.be/9d6f9j7gAdY
Barney Praying: http://youtu.be/2DSPUbMFgFQ
Canadian Robin: http://youtu.be/l_PIixlTHfQ
(Ignore the German) Super Date song: http://youtu.be/RBWX7wBCDik?t=48s
Stand By Me: http://youtu.be/CEmhH9aWydo
Marshall Sings (Part 1): http://youtu.be/f3Z1sflBWtA
Marshall Sings (Part 2): http://youtu.be/5WrNUL9FjoU
Running a Bar: http://youtu.be/Gfuie3WxPsU
Slap #2: http://youtu.be/zk20WWY15uc
Cat Funeral: http://youtu.be/srLzP8LYi7Q
Robin Sparkles: http://youtu.be/z8pEzi1E5Og

Robin and Barney Dance from the new Season: http://youtu.be/stYm46El5SY

And of course, my favorite episode - Slapsgiving: http://youtu.be/EUOWWD5eB1Q

19/365: Brentwood Starbucks

I've been going to Starbucks in Brentwood more often recently. Now that it's getting cooler, and we are almost to scarf season (which I promise will be an upcoming entry when it's time!), I have had minor cravings for no-water Chai and Pumpkin Spice Lattes :)

Well this weekend I was pretty ill with my allergies, almost to the point of needing to go to the ER. I have been trying to drink something warm to relieve my throat itchiness and discomfort. I was pretty swollen today and decided to go through the drive up window just to get my no-water Chai. Well as I got to the window, I realized I didn't have my wallet.

The guy was about to hand me my drink, but I explained the situation. I said I'd be back in a few minutes to get the drink. He took one look at me and saw how sick I was and said, "You seem like you aren't feeling well, I hope this makes you feel better. You can pay another day."

I thanked him, went home, got my wallet, and came back to pay. He said there was no need to come back, but thanked me anyway.

I'm thankful for this experience, because I think I needed a reminder that humanity isn't as bad as my heart sometimes internalizes it to be. This man was nice enough to give me a free drink, and trust that maybe I would come back and pay for it. He made my day, and I'm pretty sure that the perfectly made drink also made me feel a little better.

Thanks for making my day, Brentwood Starbucks!

18/365: Unplanned Adventures

Today was one of the craziest fun days of my life. I have been out of my apartment (in dress clothes) for 20 hours. It was a blur and a whirlwind.

It's always the days that you think are going to be ordinary, that turn out to be extraordinary.

I got up this morning and got ready for Mass. I was on for announcements this weekend and was extremely nervous. There were even two special announcements from separate speakers that I had to worry about on the top of my nerves. All went well and I thankfully did not faint, as has happened in the past when I public speak/perform solo.

And so afterwards, I was mingling on the patio, when by random chance I was offered an expensive Cardinal's ticket for a game that began 20 minutes later. I ended up going with Mark (an intern) and Jésus (a past intern and now resident at the CSC) and we pretty much died of laughter the entire time. It was good genuine fun with two great gentleman. The crowd was fun and I just LOVED my first major league game. I danced, cheered, booed, and even had some stadium food. It was fantastic.

After arriving back at the CSC I got to take the Church van to Six Flags to pick up two students who wanted to come home early from Wash U's Freshman Day at the Park so they could go to Freshman Welcome Night at the CSC and then to 9pm Mass. I really got to enjoy the company of two girls, one of which just came back from a pilgrimage to Medjugorje in Bosnia. She also talked about her Steubenville experience over the years. We talked about my experience in RCIA through the ride. It was really cool, because she was so excited about being a part of the CSC.

We got to Welcome Night and all was going smoothly. I was put on the spot all of a sudden to speak publicly about the CSC in front of a crowd, which scared me A LOT. As soon as I was done, I went upstairs to get ready to join the musicians (including a new violinist Katie, a freshman). As soon as I got to the lobby, the entire block's power went out. The CSC was dark about 15 minutes before Mass started. It was a chaotic mess because there were tours going on, and people coming in for Mass with no light, and a completely dark chapel. Somehow, the staff and students pulled off cooling the place down, setting up candles, and setting up for Mass just in the right amount of time.

After that Mass, which was extraordinarily beautiful because it seemed like everyone's heart was really there,I mingled with some students and took some freshman back to the South 40. I came back to see if any help was needed and ended up on an adventure...

Side note: Ever since the How I Met Your Mother Episode, "Nothing Good Happens After 2am," as well as my own personal experiences, I have decided that really - nothing good happens after 2am.

I don't know whether I was proven right or wrong. I had a great time. It started out with - "Hey we're going to Royale for drinks for so-and-so's birthday" turned into let's get more drinks at a different bar and then finally turned into drinks in East St. Louis and me walking into my apartment at sunrise.

Since most of you reading this are not from the area, East St. Louis is so bad, it's actually not in MO, it's in IL across the border.

I won't discuss the details, because the night was like Vegas, but I do have to say that my fellow intern, Mark, can bust a move and I haven't had that much fun in a long time.

All in all, I'm thankful for unplanned adventures.

17/365: New Beginnings and a New Adventure

This past month, I have been blessed with the opportunity to try something new. To start in a new place, live a new life, and make new friends (while still keeping the old).

And I have to say, it's been great, while still full of challenges.

But without these challenges, I cannot grow and experience a new kind of campus ministry and a new way of life here.

It took a serious leap of faith to get me here. Not only dropping my whole life, moving to St. Louis, magically making it in my little car, and going somewhere I had never been before. But just a leap of faith in my own heart with God. This last year was full of so much pain, and finally coming out of all that pain, I wasn't sure where to go. Even though I know in my brain that God never leaves us, I was not quite ready to accept that fact in my heart after being put through months of suffering and pain and hurt. But here I am, standing on the other side, God holding my hand and putting me right where I'm needed.

I remember the first time I ever jumped into a pool from the side. My swimming teacher was ready to catch me, yet I was so scared to make that jump. It made sense in my brain, and logically it worked, but my heart had not caught up. That's what my life has felt like for a year. I felt like I moved from the locker room, to the bench, to dipping my toes in, to finally jumping.

And God caught me, with open arms, just like he does each and every time.

Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall, In the dead of night whenever you call, And please don't fight these hands that are holding you, My hands are holding you.

And now here I am. I've been here almost 4 weeks and I finally jumped. It's come with some difficulties and some hurdles that I am working to jump over, but I am happy. I feel a sense of joy and peace that I haven't felt in a while.

I almost feel like an entirely new person.

And so I am thankful for this new beginning and new adventure.

Hiatus - Returning Back To Life

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to say to all of my faithful readers that I am sorry! I took a hiatus first because of the GRE in June, but then because I traveled/moved so many times in July/August that I couldn't keep up!

Well now that I am settled in and unpacking, I am back in action - ready to take on the world, one day at a time. I have decided, that I am not going to stick to 365 days of the year, rather 365 days of my own time. A life in ministry takes lot's of crazy steps sometimes and each day I may only have a few moments to personally reflect myself. I'd still like to be able to share this experience with others and hopefully inspire others to be more thankful and appreciative of what they have.

The last 2-3 months have really been a learning experience for me in a large way. I had to really learn to trust God more than I ever thought. I had to really learn to give up my own agenda and my own vision for my life, and follow the one that God has for me. It may not look so glamorous in even my eyes at times, but I have everything I need, and even the things that I want will come back when they are needed. I took a little jump (about 900 miles long) to St. Louis, where I'm now overwhelmingly excited to be working as an intern.

I would also like to say that I have learned about a new kind of prayer, one that I really like. It's called the Examen (an Ignatian prayer). Sr. Linda, a campus minister, explained it to us. Since I've been unable to write in this blog for a while, I have been using this prayer every evening before I sleep to help me focus on those things I am most thankful. I love it, because the very first step is saying a prayer of Thanksgiving.

Thank you for reading, and I can't wait to write more in the coming months.

16/365: Clearly Seeing A Beautiful Sunset In The Mountains With My Family

This morning's brunch was great and I spent the afternoon with my family. We went to Mellow Mushroom with Sophia and then back to the eye doctor's office to pick up my new glasses and get new contacts (since the previous new ones didn't work out).

With new glasses and a new excitement, we decided to take a trip into the mountains and took Skyline Drive. It took us several hours because we stopped at each overlook and took pictures at some of them. It was quite and adventure and we almost got lost several times. We met a few deer. We found a butterfly and it was beautiful!

It was a very peaceful and relaxing evening in the end. As some of you know, I do enjoy taking pictures, and this gave me a chance to play with my camera. Here are some of my favorite pictures from the drive (with captions underneath):

The beginning of the drive.

There were beautiful flowers at this overlook, and a crazy thunderstorm in the mountains far away with lot's of lightning. I've never seen lightning from a distance.

The sun is really beginning to set, and we are moving closer to the thunderstorm.

A deer that moved from the road for us.

Beautiful flowers at another overlook.

The sun setting and another breathtaking view.

Dandelions on the mountainside.

And we found the butterfly with a broken wing.

Thanks to my mom the hand model, and brave one, for picking up the butterfly.

And it opened it's wings.

But it couldn't fly away because of a broken wing, so my mom left it to rest on a flower.

The last picture I took before the sun set. It was a sight I'll never forget. I'm thankful for such a beautiful day and time with my family.

15/365: Charlottesville Catholic Fellows Program

Boy what a year it has been & I've met some great people. Tomorrow morning is the farewell brunch for Dana and I. It has been a great year and I've enjoyed all the experiences I have had. I have especially loved getting to know Dana and be a fellow alongside her through this all. Together we have shared many experiences together and I have definitely met someone I want to keep as a best friend for the rest of my life, because Dana is like a sister to me. I love her so much.

Some of my best memories with her include the many car trips we've taken, slumber parties, nights at Maarten's, coffee dates, and even when we had an afternoon on the lawn at UVA. She's been there for me when I've needed her countless times (saving my life in a Target the first month we met? Most definitely Dana).

I think what I've enjoyed most about this fellowship is all the trips I got to go on. I really got to experience ministry in different places and ways, which has been great, especially the NOLA trip and the CSM retreats.

I am just thankful that this program is here and will continue to be here (hopefully for a long time!)

14/365: Cooking With Mom

My mom and I decided to cook randomly late tonight, so as I write we just made steaks. Neither one of us have made them without a grill, so it's been an interesting lesson. I watched YouTube videos to prepare, she just started putting them in a pan, then asked me questions as it cooked.

It's difficult to cook it properly to our tastes because I like mine well done, (but not burned), and she likes hers medium well. The first one came out about medium, while the second one came out more well done. We are sharing and are about to begin a movie, although she'll fall asleep through the opening credits.

Needless to say, I've learned some great things from my mom's cooking, which many people who have been to my house can say is the best. I enjoy cooking and eating with her, so I'm thankful that I have learned many things that I can pass down to my children too.

13/365: Uno's

I had both of my graduation parties along with countless memories with friends at Uno's. For me it's a place of great comfort and gives me a sense of home (whether it's Newport News or Richmond). This weekend I had the normal pleasure of going with Ryan and my mom and doing our usual Snack Hours deal. It's always a good time there and there are great deals on food and drinks. A few weeks ago I had a DELICIOUS (and strong) Mango Margarita with Silver Patron. It was tasty and my mom (who hates alcohol) didn't even taste it, so you know it was made well.

I love knowing the waitresses/bartenders there and just how much pride they take in serving every time I visit. I am thankful for Uno's and a place to call home! :)

12/365: Lasertag

This weekend I had the pleasure of going lasertagging with friends from UVA CSM. I honestly can say that lasertagging brings out the best and worst of people. There were about 20 of us against 20 under-ten-year-old's from two separate girl's and boy's birthday parties. The little boys were kind of mean and annoying and the little girls kept screaming around every corner. I just really enjoyed it because I usually hide out in a corner and get everyone, (which I should of done if I wanted to be higher ranked), but this time I actually ran around and tagged people (meaning I got tagged a lot too).

I just remember laser tag as a kid and it being much less "sophisticated" and "complex" than it used to be. I remember this one place we went in Williamsburg in which only 10 could play at a time and the room was about as big as a Commons Ballroom. Not much space, nor things to hide on.

I also remember when Amit & I owned our own "laser tag" kit. It had 2 guns, 2 packs, and a little moving toy robot thing if you wanted to practice shooting. I remember just playing around the neighborhood (and me winning all the time).

This trip also reminded me of the one we took a few years ago in CCM. It was us, plus UR and Randolph-Macon. There were about 20-25 of us total and I got third place. I remember Zach Mikkelson being so mad at me for tagging him so many times. I think my codename at the time was either BellaEdward or something to do with a boy I liked. I was young what can I say.

This time I was "Nooshdawg." A name that will forever haunt me.

Thanks, lasertag, for all the great memories.

11/365: My Cat, Raja

Raja is my cat, and this summer I have had him for five years since I adopted him. He's adorable and fun to play with, especially when I have the laser pointer. He goes NUTS for that thing!

I didn't have the greatest day today, but spending it at home with Raja made it better. Raja came and curled up with me just when I needed it. It's amazing the intuition cats have. I call Raja dumb cat all the time, (jokingly of course), but I love him so much. I am thankful that we were able to adopt him, and I'm thankful for all the times he has made me feel better when I have a bad day.

This is one of my favorite pictures of him, in the snow.

10/365: Coldplay Has A New Song

God, I love Coldplay so much. Some of you may remember that on my '100 things to do before I graduate' list, #4 was 'see Coldplay live.' I remember seeing the concert and I LOVED them so much more than ever before, which is hard to say when I had enjoyed them A LOT already. It was a slight obsession.

I am so excited that they have a new song out (which means a new album must be around the corner! I hear it's coming in the fall). If you haven't heard it yet, it's pretty awesome. It's very upbeat and the lyrics are just soothing to my heart. Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Kf_6BWcOOg

This is how I described them a few years ago: "COLDPLAY. Is. The. Soundtrack. To. My. LIFE.

No doubts about that.

They are
awesome.amazing.wonderful.spectacular.delicious.succulent.powerful.emotional.spiritual.
breathtaking.refreshing.energetic.complex.musical.diverse.talented.essential.lovable.comfortable

They are the faith that I have in music and the essence of my musical soul.

They are powerful. They can move me just through their music. They can change me. They can make me feel when I want to and make me numb when I don't want to feel anything. They can harmonize the shizzle out of my mind and still blow me away like it's the first time I've ever heard them, every single time.

They can make me stop breathing at any moment.

They are as refreshing as a cool banana split on a hot summer day, and as comforting as cuddling with the one you love while curled up by a fireplace with a large mug of warm homemade hot chocolate with toasted marshmallows and whip cream on a wintery day."

I love them so much and I still feel goosebumps every time I hear the beginning of Life in Technicolor. It's just a great feeling.

So now, I am about to tune the world out, and listen to them in thanksgiving for the musical gifts they are in my life.

"I turn the music up, I got my records on
I shut the world outside until the lights come on
Maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone
I feel my heart start beating to my favorite song"

Coldplay <3

9/365: Dexter

This show has got me hooked. I just started this week and I couldn't be more addicted to it. I really never thought I'd ever like it, but I do. I'm especially in love with the beautiful main star, Michael C. Hall. He is delicious :)

But really, for me, I love this show on such a deeper level (at least Season 1 & what I've seen of 2). It has connected to my heart in many ways. No, I don't support Dexter's killing of people. A life is still a life, and obviously this is a Showtime show, so the basic "morals" are thrown out the door. Still, there is a connection that I've made with it.

I think everyone is haunted by something in their past, which causes us to behave in one way or another. Whether it was being traumatized by a breakup, being teased, failing at something, or something way worse. Dexter is haunted by the murder of his mother and the lifestyle in which he grew up in.

Dexter crafts his entire life around his trauma without even knowing or understanding why. It's been eye-opening to me, and it's allowed me to see the ways of which I could let God in and trust more. Which parts of my past I can choose to let go and let God take over. It's caused me to examine my insecurities and really look at my life in a new way.

Crazy show. Lot's of blood, too much, in fact. This show really has not much to do with faith, but somehow, it's helping me with mine.

And so I'm thankful :)

8/365: Men That Treat Women Well

I'm going to preface this entry with a few things:
1. This is just me stating something that I have noticed based on the stories that I've heard from a lot of women/men
2. This is not to bash anyone in particular - there are things guys wished girls did better and vice versa, this is me being thankful for men that treat women well
3. I am in no way an expert on this, and no one person is perfect

Over the past few weeks I have heard so many stories through my friends of girls that have been mistreated or hurt by a guy because he didn't call when he was supposed to, he said something mean, or it turns out that he has a girlfriend, or he left her for someone else. Each and every time it breaks my heart when I hear these stories and the one question we ask ourselves is, "Are there any decent men out there?!"

And even though I haven't necessarily met the one that I am possibly supposed to spend my life with yet, I know he is out there. How do I know this? I have so many great guy friends to prove it. I think God uses our friends to show us a taste of what a real friendship with the one we are supposed to spend our lives with is going to be like.

I look to my friends who are married and in serious relationships. I look to the good times in each of my own past relationships. There are things that I am thankful throughout that.

I remember a time when I was dating a guy in college and I skipped my English 101 class to spend with him. He took me to Belle Isle and we had a picnic that we shared there. That was beautiful and I was thankful for that, because it was only our third date.

A friend of mine who is married said that during her first pregnancy he brought her a pink rose every single day on his way home from work just to show her that he loved her.

What about the guy you have a crush on telling you that you are beautiful or that he loves something you do?

What about the guy friend who supports you when another man has treated you wrong?

I'm not saying that it takes away the pain of the wrongdoings of men (or women), but after being hurt in a serious relationship, I have found that the best way to heal and trust other men (so I can find the right one), is to appreciate when they are great, and to trust God that another great man will find a way through to my heart.

Guys, if you are reading this, my advice to you is to try harder at better communication. Again, I'm no expert, but most of what I have witnessed is the lack of good communication.

If you like a girl - don't be afraid to talk with her about it. Don't ignore a girl if she doesn't deserve it (and by that I mean she hasn't done something blatantly wrong to you to deserve a communication cut-off) If things don't work out, don't treat her poorly. If you are in a relationship that isn't working, communicate with her. Don't string a girl along either, if you know that you don't reciprocate the feelings that she might have, especially if you are already in a relationship.

And girls, communication is the key as well. Don't string along or ignore a boy if you don't feel the same way. In fact, if/when you talk about feelings, communicate directly and boldly your feelings, especially if you don't feel the same, or you aren't ready for a full relationship. In a relationship, communicate and stand up for yourself, especially if that person is mistreating you.

But most of all, be thankful and offer gratitude for when he does something well. Something that I am thankful for today.

Day 7/365: My Last Day At St. Thomas

Today I celebrated the end of my fellowship here in Charlottesville. I cleaned out the remainder of my space and said my goodbyes of the office. It's been a great year, one that I am eternally grateful for. I will still be here for a few weeks, wrapping up my last project of Work Camp, and

I have met so many amazing and wonderful people throughout this fellowship and found a new place that I have grown to love.

I think the hardest part was realizing that I'm not going to be coming back next year to see all the wonderful things happen around UVA and St. Thomas, but I am so thankful that I have gotten to see such a great campus and youth ministry. It is really inspiring for the future and I am thankful to have been so involved and to have even developed dozens of personal relationships and friendships throughout the year, especially in CSM, Ignite, and the LifeTeen Band.

I am also thankful for the mentors I have had this year: Fr. Stephen, John Hopke, Brian Sousa, Michael Balazs, Kristin Krebbel, and Chris Short. I have learned valuable lessons from each of them and they have been very helpful in the development of my faith this year.

And of course Dana. She's been one of my best friends this entire year, and we've learned a lot from each other. She has taught me some of the greatest aspects of friendship (as well as saved my life numerous times).

Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my experience in this fellowship. You have made my life so much brighter as an example of Christ's love.

Day 6/365: In Loving Memory

Memorial Day is a day to take a chance to remember those that have served our country. Today, I am thankful for all of those who have given their lives in service for the freedom we all enjoy. I have especially offered gratitude today for a beautiful friend, Lucas Pyeatt, whose life was taken this year while serving in Afghanistan.

Neither one of us could remember exactly the first time we met, but my earliest memory of Luke was when I was a freshman at Woodside High School. 9th grade was that one of the toughest years of my life: I remember being so shy I wouldn't eat lunch in the cafeteria, but would instead cram my head inside of a book and hide in my next classroom until class started. I barely spoke a word to anyone, and deep inside I was going through one of the hardest tragedies anyone could every go through, but I remember loving music and being so happy every time I opened my school rented (and very broken) Suzuki violin to play.

Orchestra was the place I loved to express every inner feeling and I especially looked forward to rehearsal with the full group and other high school we combined with. Music at that point was my life and the only thing I loved.

One day, this really tall kid with glasses came up to me during break to talk to me because he noticed I never really talked much. He asked me my name and introduced himself to me. He told me he'd seen me around before Woodside and that he played bass. We talked about being in the orchestra and music magnet and school. Each week at rehearsal or if he saw me around school, we continued to talk about whatever was going on in life. I loved ballet in addition to music, so I would sometimes come straight from ballet class to rehearsal and he would ask me about that too. Eventually as I became less shy, I started talking to other kids in orchestra. Luke and I really became friends my sophomore and junior year. He called me Nishka and he was like my brother. He used to take me out to the nearby Wendy's in Yorktown for Frosty's after school and he'd ask me about my life. We talked on AIM all the time about life and music and future plans.

Some of the best times I had with him were when he was a senior and I was a junior and I switched to cello in the spring semester because we needed more cellos. He and I would always "bow five" whenever the two of us played well. He always encouraged me.

After he graduated, we still kept in touch and he provided me with an even deeper friendship. He was constantly encouraging and even came to visit me whenever he could. After I graduated, we hung out that summer after he had been to Iraq serving as a Marine, when he was injured, but determined to re-join. He was headed to Russia at the time, to be a missionary, and there he fought cancer. We continued to keep in touch as he battled life's craziness. My favorite conversations were the ones we had about the future and about faith. In my old blog on January 17, 2005 I wrote, "Today we were talking about our future... We were joking about how I'm going to be a wonderful mom and a great musician and how I would be teaching his kids and he'd be calling me for advice and babysitting..."

He always wanted me the best for me. We would always joke and laugh how we would both have musical prodigy kids who would take lessons from me. He would always say that I would have 5 kids, so I could have a string quintet (there had to be a bass of course, which is why it was a string quintet). He always encouraged and supported my life as a musician. He also introduced me to Jimmy Eat World and Rascal Flatts and we both loved Carrie Underwood. He was inducted into Tri-M shortly after I was and we played many pieces together in orchestra. He was an outstanding musician himself, although too humble to admit the gifts that he was given.

He also was so happy when I found my faith. He was so encouraging with my Baptism and even attempted to come for it. He was such a strong example of beautiful faith. Now that I do have a faith, I think he might have been my guardian angel all of those years. He prayed for me and looked out for me. The last conversation we had was around Thanksgiving. I was pretty ill from injuring my knee, so our conversation was brief, but he basically told me that he had been out of touch with me since the summer because he had re-joined the Marines and that he was most like going to be deployed soon. We had attempted to talk before he left, but it never happened, and I miss him so much.

He passed away February 5, 2011 while serving in Afghanistan. I wish I wouldn't have been away so much in February, otherwise I would have found out earlier. I didn't find out until March 5, which would have been his 25th birthday when my phone reminded me at midnight to call him, especially because I was leaving for New Orleans that morning and didn't know when I was going to get to wish him a happy birthday. I did call and left a voicemail, but I thought I'd write on his facebook too, just because I knew he was far away and might not get the voicemail. That's when I discovered that he'd passed away, which was one of the saddest moments of my life.

Luke, thank you for being such a great friend to me and so many others. Thank you for your service to God and to our country, and I will never forget what a beautiful and honest soul you were. I miss you and this Memorial Day has meant the most to me because you meant the world to me. Thank you for all the fun times, conversations, and music we shared. Rest in peace forever and always, and I can't wait to see you again.

(These are some pictures I stole from facebook)


Once a musician, always a musician :)



Luke, and his nephew, playing the drums.



The most serious face I have ever seen. Underneath is the biggest heart I have ever known.



Taken today by his best friend Bryan. May Luke forever rest in peace.